Pain of growing up

I will tell you about Clara… Clara is real person from my neighborhood, only her name is not Clara…But her name is not important anyway…

Clara is a little, sweet, nice, kind girl. I know her since she was born… As a kid, she was always full of life, always smiling, playing on street with other kids, walking her dog that is 4 four times bigger than her… then dog runs away..and she cries…and then neighbors have to go to catch the dog… Clara was a full of joy… Neighbors love her, everybody love her and… You get my point. Clara is a girl full of joy.

Now, Clara is around 15,16 years old. Few days ago, I saw her in bus with one of his friend… I couldnt believe what I heard and saw. Clara is acting like a grown-up person. But in her face, she is clearly still a child… And I am listening to her conversation with her friend and she is talking how boyfriend left her, how she is crying everyday, that she is depressed, that no one understands her, that she is arguing with her mother, that she is smoking cigarettes to calm her nerves…. And she has this whole aura of drama around her. Just like those middle-age restless women that dont know what they want but wherever they go, they create drama…

And I am listening, and I am thinking to myself: „Clara, why did you grow up so fast?“

Yesterday she was that innocent loving child and today she is trying to be too serious, too dramatic… I do understand that she wants to feel important… She wants to stand out from her friends and she is playing serious role…. She is playing on being hopeless, dramatic, serious…. But she is still a child. She is a 15,16…. Look in her eyes is still of that vulnerable little child, although she tries to be perceived differently… And I am thinking, this is exactly what is wrong with our society…And I am talking about Croatia…I dont know about other countries…. We are growing up to quickly. We start to act like grown-ups….but we are driven by wrong ideals….corrupted ideals… And it is sad that to be accepted, we have to play such roles…

I have been there as well. When I was 16, I also tried to be perceived as serious and dramatic. I was drinking every weekend because I wanted to be more important that my friends…I was in high-school but I didnt study and learn… Who has the the time to study when I have to impress people all the time.. I was working so much on being accepted…And to be honest with you, I was not accepted very well.. So I started to hang-out with wrong people, people that didnt had any direction in life…and I could impress them… And only they wanted to hang-out with me…

By some miracle, I finished my high-school and got a chance to go to college…I didnt want to go, but my parents forced me…One semester and I was done. I drop-out from college…

And only then, when I was no longer a part of any school or college, I didnt have anymore people around me to impress and to be accepted. I was alone in my room. I was not part of anything. Only then when I didnt have to work to be accepted by people around me, then my mind turned-on. I started reading books, watching documentaries, acquiring knowledge… All those things that I didnt do in my high-school because I had to be accepted…and to be accepted was a lot of work. Only when there was no one to impress anymore, I started to think constructively…I started to perceive world through my own eyes… I gain my sense of my identity… And most importantly… I found a child again in me… Show me a good book, or tell me some interesting fact, and my eyes are wide open…I am listening… I want to know… Constantly I am fascinated by the world around me…Just like a child….

But when I was part of schools and colleges….I was so miserable…Because I couldnt be myself…I would be consider weird If I was myself…So I was trying to be someone else…to get accepted…This is why I always say that for me, high-school was a complete waste of time…And my mother is telling me, dont say that..you would be stupid if you didnt finish high-school… And I am like, no…I was stupid while I was going in school…Only after I stop being part of it, did my love for knowledge awakened.

I wish I can say something to Clara… I wish I can say to her, hey, relax…dont take yourself so seriously…People that are you trying to be accepted by…will be completely gone from your life in 2 years… The more you are trying to impress them, the more miserable you will feel about yourself… You will lose your dignity…. Study, read books, get involved in sports, learn to play an instrument…I wish I could help her find direction…

But it seems that Clara will have to go through this rollercoaster just like many other people… Only problem is when you are 40 and you are still acting like when you were 16.

2 comments

  1. Yes, many people are in too big of a hurry to grow up. I always tell them to enjoy their childhood. It’s the best time of your life. But they won’t listen. People have to make their own mistakes. I hope she mellows out though and just starts to have fun again. Life is too short to be so serious. Good post!

    Liked by 1 person

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