Few months ago, I was feeling little bit sick so I went to doctor. Doctor send me to hospital to make tests… blood testing, heart testing and everything else.. Although I was trying to explain to doctor that I dont have to do that because I am sure everything is fine…only problem was that I probably eat something which was not good for me…and that made me sick. However, in the end I decided to do all that tests…I mean, if I am perfectly healthy, thats fine, at least I know… And if something is wrong, at least I will know that on time.
And if you dont know, I dont like doctors at all. Right now if you give me a choice…to either grab a shovel and work physically for 8 hours or visit doctors and spend whole day at hospital… I would take that shovel and ask you, do you have any specific desire what you want me to do with that shovel..??
And here I am…in hospital. Waiting to get all that tests… The whole atmosphere in hospital is depressed. After I did few tests, they put me in one room with other patients and there I was supposed to wait until they call me for further tests.. As I entered that room, it was like in those western movies when stranger enters the bar. I was only young person there. Everybody else were old people or middle-aged people. I sat down on one bed and all eyes were on me. I looked around the room… Some people were helplessly just laying down in bed.. Some people were in wheelchairs… Some people were mentally retarded people… And I am sitting there…there is so much tension in the air that you can probably grab it and collect it… And I am thinking…I dont know what exactly, but I think I should get some lesson from this situation.. I should probably learn some valuable life lesson here.. But what? Am I here to get humiliated??? Am I here to become more humble?? Am I here so that I see how cruel life is??? Am I here to see that I should never dream big and do big things…because one day I will end up just like this people??? What am I supposed to learn here? Am I supposed to realize here how soft I am?? What is lesson behind all this because I am sure there is a lesson??? And it is just becoming more and more intense, more overwhelming… In the hall, I can hear doctor calling other doctors, they had a patient with epilepsy..and that man was having an epileptic attack…and he is yelling..I can hear him screaming and yelling, he is punching…and I can hear doctors talking something… It is ugly.. So here I am sitting already 45 minutes..thinking about all this..absorbing all this.. Finally, they call my name..I get to go on to continue my tests..and they are asking me how do I feel..?? And I am telling them, I feel good. I ate something bad and that made me sick..but now I really do feel good. However, they wanted to make it sure that I am good, so they didnt let me go immediately… and of course, they sent me back to that room.
I come back in room…and all that time I am thinking how I am supposed to learn one lesson… And I am thinking, when I get out of this hospital, I dont know what, but I will change something… I will become more humble, less egoistical, less arrogant…I will become better person, more kind…and blah blah blah.
So again in that room…waiting… No one is speaking anything. Everybody are just sitting there looking at empty spot on the floor. Here and there, this mentally retarded people say something..which of course no one can understand what they say (I am not offending them, I am just trying to give you a clear picture of what is going on) I mean, it is so depressing… And finally, they call me again… ‘Mr. Dario, you are free. Everything is fine.’ Ahhh, I told you so… But doctors got to do what they got to do…
And here I am, happy that all this is finally over. I am back to my normal life.
However, I did get one lesson from that experience…and it is not what I was expecting this lesson to be.. All the time I was thinking that I am supposed to be more humble… but lesson was something else.
All those people there in that room, they were defeated… Life has crushed them down completely. And lesson what I learned there is to never lose dignity. To always have my dignity, to never give up, to not let life defeat me… Even if I get cancer or who knows what…I should never become defeated and I should never lose my dignity… Because that is no life then. All this people were helplessly sitting there, they were worried, afraid… no spark in their eyes… they were so numb.
Lesson that I learn, dont be like those people… Even if you have to die, dont lose your dignity. Dont humiliate yourself. You will die anyway.. be humble or not, you will die.. And I think that is ultimate test of your faith…if you are able to be happy and joyous even in the moment of sickness and death. Be strong. Thats my message.