BLOG – MARCH 2021
MONTHLY BLOG POSTS
Blogging is something which is constantly on and off for me. Sometimes I am blogging and sometimes I am not. It takes lot of mental space and your time. In the past I used to publish content everyday. It became compulsive to me. More importantly, you become worried about the traffic, likes and comments that you are getting. Especially when you get positive feedback. You start seeking it again and again. And trust me, I am not that kind of person. I really don’t care so much about the likes and comments. But it did effect me. I mean, there are many researches and studies that are proving how social media is effecting people in negative way. Quitting it altogether could be a solution. Or the other solution can be a much more mature way of approaching it. This is my experience and my story.
As I said, in the past I used to publish sometimes even 3,4 blog posts a day. They were not so bad, they had potential, but they were very disorganized and very messy. I was just randomly publishing content. Without preparation, without any deeper effort, it was just coming out of me. And what happens, is that your blog very soon becomes overloaded with content. Disorganized random content. And then at some point, I deleted it all. And then I had few attempts of starting all over again, but honestly, I didn’t care so much about it anymore. It takes lot of time but you don’t get so much back in the return. At least, I don’t get it. Maybe you do. But however, I love writing, I love sharing my thoughts, and I want to have a place where I am coming and expressing and sharing my thoughts, my drawings, my poetry and other fun and interesting things. So I came out with plan that could work for me. At the end of each month I can publish one bigger monthly post where I will just put few smaller posts in it. That way I will prevent my site from becoming overcrowded with content, it will be organized, and I will not develop such a compulsion to always have to write something. At the end of the month, I will sit down for day or two, I will think little bit about the possibilities what can I write about, I will write it and publish it all in one post.
I don’t care about the traffic. Getting traffic is very easy. All you have to do is to follow other people, like their stuff, comment, and they will do the same back to you. So the more you expose yourself to other people, the more attention you will get as well. It is simple and easy, but it takes lots of time. I would rather spend my extra time in different way. Sure, I will check your blog, I will read it, I will comment it, but I don’t have time to follow many blogs at once and comment and everything else.
So I am ok with little traffic. And if my content is good, I am sure that sooner or later it will spread by itself.
Minimalism. Less is more. That idea has always seemed compelling to me. In the past I have practiced it and I remember positive things that has brought me. But over the time I just forgot about it. And always I go back to it. When I feel stuck, I am asking myself, what can I let go of now? What is holding me back?
I wrote little bit about organizing yourself above in this blog post. As I said, organizing has always been my problem. Keeping things clean is not the same as organizing things. First thing that I had to let go of were my books. On my shelves I had so many books. There was actually no place any more for even a single book. Over the years I was collecting books. As you can imagine, big number of those books I have never read. Big number of those books I had read but I decided that I don’t like them and they don’t represent me anymore. So I had to get rid of all those books. But it was little bit painful because my ego and my pride had been attached to those books. Those books were a part of me. Part of my identity. But most importantly, they didn’t give me a peace of mind. All the time they were calling me:”When are you going to read us? Open me! Read me! Read more, read faster! We are accumulating. There are so many books to read, so many books to buy. Used books, new books, books on Croatian, books on English, comic-books, fiction, non-fiction, classics, poetry…. Start reading us!!!!!!!! And buy more!!!!!! ”
So you see, we can say that was a destructive habit of mine. There was no end to books. Who is going to read so many books??? But I just couldn’t stop buying new books, collecting them and reading them. But the problem was that I was collecting them the way faster than I read them. So I had to stop. They were occupying too much of my mental capacity. Even when I was not reading. Just sitting on the shelves is enough to be on the back of your mind.
When I realize that I can’t win this war with books. I can’t read them all, I can’t collect them all.. I decided to let go of them. So I got rid of most of the books, I kept just a handful of them and I kept my comic-books. And now at least I have one worry less to worry about.
Next thing, my notebooks. See, I am very sentimental person and I like to keep things. I have notebooks from my elementary school. I even have my drawings from the kindergarten. Then, bills, chocolate wrapper that I received from somebody, old photos, pictures, gifts….I mean, it is silly which things I have kept for years. And it was all under my bed and my desk. It is very hard to organize all that. So I decided to get rid of all of that as well.
All I can say is that it was fun. It was so fun going through all my notebooks, my journals…so many beautiful memories came back to me. It released so much energy in me. And I throw it all. I am not exaggerating, I throw away around like 100 kilograms of papers, notebooks and trash.
Just getting rid of books, notebooks and old things, I started to feel freedom and actually every day I wake up excited for the day. Because I don’t have so much things that are weighing me down and I have more mental capacity to be open for new things and new possibilities.
Next thing that I had to organize was my mind. There are so many unfinished things there. Projects that I started and never finished them. Project that I never even started but wanted to. Possibilities, unexplored ideas, skills to develop, things to learn. And each day I was chasing my own tail. How can I do it all?? How can I organize myself?? Let me do this, now let me do that.. I was trying to juggle so many things at once and I was progressing very slowly in each one of those things. I was constantly getting discouraged by realizing that I can’t manage everything. Now I have finally minimized all that chaos in my head and set myself some priorities. I have to admit, it sucks. It sucks knowing that you just can’t do it all now. And some things, maybe never. It sucks that you can’t live forever and have time for everything. It sucks..But that is reality. And of course, deep down I was always aware of that, but I was pretending that by some miracle I will be able to manage everything and do everything. And the truth is, I was just limiting myself by how much you can actually do if you stop trying to do everything and you just focus on one or two things.