Aaah, so little time! Sometimes I wish to live parallel lives where I am able to do everything I want. But I guess that even then, there wouldn’t be enough time. I think problem is in us humans. We want too much.
But anyway, if you scroll through my website, you can see various blog posts. From poetry, scientific research, coding to drawing. Obviously all this is too much for one person. I am aware of that. You cannot be good in so many fields because if you try to, you will remain mediocre in all of them. But it is so hard to let go of something. I mean, I already let go of poetry. I didn’t write anything in months. That was definitely not my priority. But drawing, coding and scientific research.. It is hard to let go of something. Obviously I cannot be great in all three fields. I don’t have time for all that.
It is funny, I am beginning to realize that all these are actually crazy youthful dreams. When you are young, you think you can do everything and you think you can be everything. Haha.. So funny. And it is also so painful the process of maturation. When I look at my life, I see nothing but childish dreams and ideas… And those all are slowly disappearing while my more mature and rational self is appearing. And I like that.
Point of this, is that now at the moment I will not do scientific researches anymore. It really takes so much time. Reading, doing research, exploring, then writing about that and then drawing something that fits all that. So much time. I enjoy it, really I do. But I have to be realistic. It is too much time consuming, plus I cannot do it professionally as I would like to. So, the most mature thing to do is to let go of it for now and to focus on things that are under my nose. Because very often I have a tendency to chase something that is far away and out of my reach.
And plus I am learning to accept that my head is a mess. Full of ideas. As much as I am grounded person with sense of rationalism, I am also sometimes wild and unpredictable. Sometimes I do things out of intuition, instinct or some kind of inspiration.
But that is ok because I am alive, I am not programmed robot.
I am speaking this to let you know what is happening in me. I need to stop looking at world in black-and-white. Yes, I will not do scientific research right now like consistently, but that doesn’t mean that soon I will not get some inspiration to research some topic for couple of days. As I said, my head is a creative mess and I am learning to balance all this mess.
Thanks for reading!